Godspeed.

Ever met a person who feels like home ?

My world came crashing down in the middle of a tormenting Gynecology and Obstetrics lecture. I was sneaking a peek on my webMD to look for details on TOLAC (Trial of Labour After Cesarean)...so were my batchmates. Everybody struggled to not be seen and thrown out of the lecture amidst the bombardment of questions by our well read, ex-Army Teacher. A lot of tabs popped on my phone including recipes on Maggi bhajiya and pakoras and then something caught my eye. 
News flashed: Shelling at Rajouri, 2 dead, 7 injured. Funny how I had memorized the definition of palpitation in medicine but at that very moment I wasn't sure if my heart was fluttering or sinking.
Then the inevitable happened, our teacher, Col Nihar Gupta, pretended to cock his rifle, took an aim and threw a chalk, that whizzed past me. It missed my right temporal region by barely 2-3 mm.
"Dr Sarayu Sharma, would you please throw some light on management of pregnancy with prior caesarean section?", he demanded.
I stood up mustering all the strength I had, disoriented and about to break down. I stuttered and surrendered, only a "um...Sorry... Sir" barely escaped my dry mouth. 
"I thought so!", Col Gupta smirked. 
He continued, "If every doctor would be negligent enough to let women end up with ruptured uteruses, humans would be as extinct as dodos! I presume with all humility that you wouldn't want that now, would you?" 
Even after being humiliated, I miraculously managed to sit through the lecture and then ran to the library. I plonked on a chair in it's farthest corner where couples usually got cozy or people watched porn courtesy our fast and free college wifi. I closed my eyes and let the darkness grow and spread until it morphed from a feeling of sadness into something worse: a memory, a flashback. It was just last night that I asked him to call me back. I remember now, I was crying. I told him that I loved him, that I always would. 

He was a proud Infantarian and had been posted to God forsaken places. He merrily crossed each hurdle that came his way and made our lives remotely challenging. Signals being jammed for security reasons, all the cool stealth mode jargons, the whispers, the smoky breathing on the phone, calls being difficult to decipher due to firing, we had seen it all but this time it was eerily different. 
The last time he called was 36 hours ago. My excessively ethical officer was squealing and babbling with excitement about his dining in. He had sent me his photographs and it was always a treat to ogle at my impeccably dressed man. A few hours later, as a ritual I had recieved a drunk call from him. 
"Do you love me?", he shrieked.
"Love is too weak a word for how I feel.", I replied. 
It was as though a mere phone call from him could dissipate the months that separated us.
"Play me a song you like and I bet I'll know the lyrics.", he declared. I obliged and Alexa played "Lamborghini".I remember clearly that he croaked for about twenty minutes and I laughed with satisfaction.
"We love each other and time won't change that.", he said softly and then slept on the phone. 
If only Alexa could presently turn off my feelings and make my face inscrutable to the people in my college who gawked at me to capture any and every piece of gossip.
My friends dragged me out of the library, onto the college ground and brought me back to the present. I had lost control over everything, even the places in my head. I sat there in the morning, eyes closed and the hot sun orange on my eyelids, I could be anywhere but like always, I transcend to the times when we had each other and it was enough. I remembered: freezing rain beating the tin roof, street lights illuminating the road. I was with a cup of freshly brewed coffee in my hand, hastily fishing through the fiction novels. That's when Captain Angad Singh Rathore came and stood behind me. He put his strong hands on my shoulders. I could smell his spicy and aromatic cologne, that miserably failed at masking the stench of cigarettes. 
"Smoking kills.", I muttered under my breath.
"Loving you too.", he whispered in my ear. 
I still remember the feel of his hands, the weight of them, reassuring and protective. That very moment I caught myself trying to remember the last time I had a meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitched. I turned to face him with a triumphant smile on my lips.
"I can't breathe!", I shrieked as he bent his tall, lean and muscular frame to tightly embrace me.
"You're not supposed to", he retorted with a chuckle. 
His eyes touched me more than anyone's hands ever could have. 
I sipped my coffee while he scanned through the menu and irrespective of the weather or the cafe, he ordered a cold coffee owing to his intimate attachment to NDA. Everytime we met, two minutes magically stretched to two hours in a second. Interstellar, beat that!
We were a team since his academy days. Everyone could see it. I calmed his flamboyance and tamed his direct and acerbic personality. He was way more decisive and helped me make decisions by teaching me the art of spontaneity. I appreciated everything about him that others had taken for granted. We had even agreed to keep a Labrador and name him Leo in memory of his dog who had died 4 years ago. Angad had given up on buying a dog because he thought he could not bear another heartbreak if his dog would die. He decided he could not go through that misery all over again. It took me some time and a lot of undaunted efforts to make him understand that he would eventually learn to try and hold onto complicated and challenging things, but the most difficult thing in life was to love fiercely and let go. 
Needless to say the strength, that protectiveness he radiated, didn't potray me as weak. He intelligently made me strong in other ways. I made intellectual leaps that left him open-mouthed in admiration. We learned from each other and grew together.

It was seven months after his commissioning that we went for our family friend's wedding. Luckily his leave was sanctioned and my exams did not clash with the dates of the functions. It was pouring heavily as we were returning from the Haldi function. The moonlight made everything glow. I knew Angad so well; the more transfixed his face, the deeper the turmoil of emotions within.
"I like you", he blurted out and looked away.
"That was fast. Faster than Clint Eastwood I reckon!", I giggled.
"Why would I lie to someone I'm fairly fond of?", he grinned slyly and continued,
"I know that nothing is certain but you and I can take it day by day." It was a strange relief hearing it out loud.
"If you love me..then that is worth everything.", I said instinctively. 
"My car smells of you, invigorating and refreshing.", he tried to give his heart a free rein thrashing his immense self control but ended up changing the topic. 
I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around him and joked, "Now even you reek of me"
He appreciated my gauge attempt at humour, touched my cheek and said, " I'd take down my walls and open up a door for you."
Like any other cliche romantic movie, I thought we had a moment. Angad pulled over the car to the side and fiddled with his phone claiming, "You would love this song Sarayu!" 
I giggled and assumed he might have had his share of fantasies.
In that splendid moment, "Bharat Mata Teri Kasam" (The Esteemed Passing Out Parade Song) enthusiastically played on his Creta's stereo system. I was stunned for a moment but without any delay, both of us started screaming the ceremonial lyrics at the top of our lungs. 
He secretively glanced at me, smiled cheerfully and said, "I promised your parents to get you home safe and in time. I'll protect you even to the peril of my life. So don't get any ideas ma'am"
"Don't be cheeky!", I had snapped.
It was the sweetest thing anybody could've ever thought of and I admired him for that. The night slipped away marking the beginning of something worth holding onto.


My friend who was two roll numbers before me, tried to console me and held my hand tighter breaking my chain of thoughts. I nervously clinged onto my phone. As luck would have had it, my phone made a strangled sound. My ordeal was over. It was a video call from Captain Rathore. I could barely accept the call as my hands trembled. I stared at him in horror, awe and shock.
He cast a bemused look at me and smiled.
"Service before self, remember? I was responsible for a large convoy and most importantly leading my men. Although we did miss an IED waiting to greet us on the road by just ten minutes.", he shrugged sympathetically, splayed his fingers except the ones holding the cigarette. 
I had nothing to say. My eyes were clouded with tears. 
"Your eyes aren't supposed to hold tears, they are made for holding dreams, Princess!", he solemnly added.
I smiled at him obediently.
"I really hope to be with you soon enough. I forgot how homesick I was.", his voice echoed off the skylight as he waved his hand generously, ran towards his men and disconnected the call.
I blew him a kiss.
God speed.